Bedtime Rituals

Last night, just before I went to sleep, I checked on my sleeping children.  I opened the door to my toddler's room and lightly rested my hand on his back to check if he was okay.  Then I did the same with my seven-year-old. I developed this habit the minute my first was born.  Every night I would touch him, make sure he was breathing, and just watch him for a few seconds.  Seven and a half years later, I still practice the ritual.

During that first year of his life, and the first year of my toddler's life, I did this because I was petrified of SIDS.    But why have I continued?  There is no longer a risk of SIDS and my children have no health risks that would make me (logically) worry.  Still, I feel compelled to peek in on them every night, and, if for some reason I wake in the middle of the night, I check on them again.   Will I continue to do this two years from now or even when they are teenagers? (Let's not even touch on the fact that I still use a monitor in my 7-year-old's room). It seems completely ludacris that I feel this compulsion to do so, but I can't help it.

When I see them sleeping, so calm and tranquil, it sets my mind and my heart at ease.  I feel like all is well with the world - their world.  When I feel that silent rise and fall of their back, I can breathe easier.  The peace I feel washes away whatever that day held. 

I remember when I was pregnant for the first time, and when both my boys were infants, I would read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on about what I should feed my baby, how I should bathe him, how I hold him.  When it came to bedtime, all of the magazines and books said to develop bedtime rituals to encourage your baby to fall asleep easily and to sleep through the night.  So, of course we came up with a routine:  bathtime, book, and a lullaby.  I have found that although the books don't mention it, the same works for me.  Every night they go to sleep after a series of events that is (for the most part) pretty similar every evening.  For me, there is only one nighttime ritual I need in order to fall asleep.