Trying Something Different

So, I think there has been a shift in my attitude regarding my weight loss. Since I made my resolutions in January, I've lost a total of three pounds. Sad, right? In truth, I've lost over 10 pounds since then, but gained and lost the same five pounds. I was trying (when I remembered) to use the online Weight Watchers program, but I have a block. For whatever reason, I forget...no....subconsciously refuse to track what I eat. And, since I've lost a heifer-load of weight before on WW, I know that it is the tracking that makes it work. In regards to any moving I've done, it has been sporadic at best. What can I say, I have no excuses for my lack of focus or persistence. Trust me, I want and need to lose at least 25 pounds, so it isn't for a lack of motivation. I have a whole
closet full.

Today, as I was sitting outside watching my boys play, it dawned on me. I'm going to try to lose weight without trying to lose weight. I know it doesn't make sense, and it will likely backfire, but I'm at an impasse. I'm tired of feeling guilty for eating something i shouldn't or for not exercising when i should. I'm tired of self-depricating when I look at myself in the mirror or step on the scale. And while in truth I know that I'm all about the excuses, I am still saying that I've tried everything. For the most part, I make healthy choices when it comes to food and I exercise at least twice a week. For whatever reason I'm on a yo-yo and can't get off.

For better or worse, my weight will do one of three things. It will go up, it will stay the same, or with the grace of God, it will go down.

I am not saying that I'm going to just eat whatever I feel like or become a couch potato. I do have some ground rules.


1. I won't feel guilty when I throw away the food my kid's don't eat, nor will I try a bite or two of their mac and cheese.


2. I am going to restrict myself to wine only once a week (God help me).


3. I will drink more water.


4. I will eat more fruits and veggies.


5. I will eat less meat.


6. I will eat less sweets or other foods that have no nutritional value.


7. I will only weigh myself once a week and not every time I enter the bathroom.


8. I will walk/do some cardio at east four times a week.


9. I will do yoga at least once a week.


10. I will eat smaller portions and always leave food on my plate.


I have no fantasies that I will end up losing all the weight I want or will go down a few sizes. In fact I'm not very optimistic at this point. However, this is still the best option for me. If I can get away from obsessing about my weight, or feeling guilty, or feeling ugly or fat, even if it is for just part of thie time, it will give me a chance to focus on some other things, like my boys, then it will be worth it no matter what the outcome.

I'd Do It Again.

Yesterday, my little man competed in his first ever karate tournament.  We are apprehensive: I, because I was "making" him take part, and he, because he said he wasn't a good fighter. 

He has been taking karate at an afterschool program for more than two years, since he was in kindergarten and is a "brown belt-black stripe" (one below black belt).  However, he has never been in a tournament.  When I asked him weeks ago if he wanted to fight in the tournament, he excitedly said yes. 

Things changed as the day got closer.  Earlier this week, when I asked my little man if he was getting excited about the tournament, he told me he didn't want to fight. Ugh... So, what's a good mother to do? Lie, of course!  I quickly thought to tell him, "Too bad, I already signed you up and paid the entrance fee." 

Yesterday morning came and we were there just a few minutes after the doors opened.  It was in a recreation center gym, but transformed by mats surrounded by chairs, however, there weren't so many set up that I thought might intimidate him. 

He first insisted on putting his fighting gear on, even though the fighting was the last event to occur.  He waited with the other kids for his turn in the ring.  I breathed a sigh of relief that he seemed to be calm and not the least bit nervous.

And when he stepped into the ring, and "touched gloves" with his opponent, I should have been thinking, "I hope my baby doesn't get hurt." or "Be careful." I was thinking, "Punch him!  Kick him!" "Kick harder!"  Of course, I can't cheer him on by shouting those things aloud for the other parents to hear, so instead, I shouted silly things that don't really make sense, now that I think about it, like, "Get in there!"

He ended the fighting competition after fighting in twice, winning one and losing one.  They lined the kids up, and all I was thinking was, "Please get a trophy!!" Otherwise, I could see him never participating in a tournament again. 

To his (and my) delight, he received THIRD PLACE in fighting for his age and level group!!! 

For this, I would lie to him all over again!! (Just joking. Or not.)