I'd Do It Again.

Yesterday, my little man competed in his first ever karate tournament.  We are apprehensive: I, because I was "making" him take part, and he, because he said he wasn't a good fighter. 

He has been taking karate at an afterschool program for more than two years, since he was in kindergarten and is a "brown belt-black stripe" (one below black belt).  However, he has never been in a tournament.  When I asked him weeks ago if he wanted to fight in the tournament, he excitedly said yes. 

Things changed as the day got closer.  Earlier this week, when I asked my little man if he was getting excited about the tournament, he told me he didn't want to fight. Ugh... So, what's a good mother to do? Lie, of course!  I quickly thought to tell him, "Too bad, I already signed you up and paid the entrance fee." 

Yesterday morning came and we were there just a few minutes after the doors opened.  It was in a recreation center gym, but transformed by mats surrounded by chairs, however, there weren't so many set up that I thought might intimidate him. 

He first insisted on putting his fighting gear on, even though the fighting was the last event to occur.  He waited with the other kids for his turn in the ring.  I breathed a sigh of relief that he seemed to be calm and not the least bit nervous.

And when he stepped into the ring, and "touched gloves" with his opponent, I should have been thinking, "I hope my baby doesn't get hurt." or "Be careful." I was thinking, "Punch him!  Kick him!" "Kick harder!"  Of course, I can't cheer him on by shouting those things aloud for the other parents to hear, so instead, I shouted silly things that don't really make sense, now that I think about it, like, "Get in there!"

He ended the fighting competition after fighting in twice, winning one and losing one.  They lined the kids up, and all I was thinking was, "Please get a trophy!!" Otherwise, I could see him never participating in a tournament again. 

To his (and my) delight, he received THIRD PLACE in fighting for his age and level group!!! 

For this, I would lie to him all over again!! (Just joking. Or not.)

More Than Just Numbers

When I last posted, I reluctantly posted that I was "happy" about my over three pound weight loss. And I was. Really.

Today, I feel a need to write down other non-scale benefits I have noticed because there are noted differences in myself:

1. I have more energy. I've noticed that throughout the course of the day, I'm not having energy ups and downs. I feel a pretty steady stream of energy. Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't love a cup of coffee at around 3pm but still eating better really has made a difference.

2. For whatever reason I am enjoying, and even craving, fruit more. I don't know how many times in recent months I have looked into the produce drawer of my fridge at whatever chosen fruits and veggies I had bought at the store with good intentions, only to quickly close the drawer with nothing in my hand. But now I am actually thinking crazy things like, "Cold grapes would be really refreshing right about now," or "I could really go for some kiwi." (As an aside, right now I am obsessed with kiwi. It has been my chosen fruit for a few days now. I have to buy some tomorrow.)

3. I feel determined. I feel more confident in myself and my capability to make better choices.

4. I am eating less. I don't know if it is some psychological thing or really some sort of physiological change in me, but I've changed my portions and now, I fill up faster on smaller amounts than what I was eating pre-1/1/11.

These are some non-scale victories this week - looking forward to scale victories now.

New Year, New Plan.

It has been one week since I restarted Weight Watchers. I will begin by posting a before pic that I took last Saturday:

Now if I had been smart, I'd have at least dolled myself up a bit - put some makeup on, better fitting clothes and put a brush through my hair. However, I was all gung-ho about getting started that I wanted to take the photo right away and did not think about the consequences.

Ick.

Here's another:

I think in this photo I was joking around with my man saying that I will make myself look even more fat but pushing my stomach out. I don't think I needed to do that.

So back to the whole WW thing. They have this new PointsPlus program which I am not used to. The previous plan I was fine with - I had mastered it (despite the appearance of the above photos). This new one takes some getting used to.

I have more points that I would have with the old plan. When I first saw this, I was like "Cool!" But then my excitement turned to disappointment when I calculated my first meal. It came out to a bit more under the PointsPlus program than it would have under the previous one.

All that being said, I lost 3.4 pounds this week. Truth be told, I was a little discouraged when I stepped on my scale expecting around 5 pounds gone (my last two "first weeks" produced 8 and 5 pound weight losses). On the other hand, I really am happy that I did lose weight. I am just now thinking it won't be as easy as it was in the past and I will have to work at it a bit more.

So what am I going to do differently next week? I am going to start walking - I want to try to get at least 3 30 minute walks in between now and next Saturday. More would be better, but I'm trying to go easy on myself. (Like I haven't been? Again, see above photos!) Next week I'll gladly take another 3 pounds off.

Are all bloggers posting their New Year's Resolutions today? I am. It is the morning of 1/1/11 - what a great day to make a fresh start! I write this list as I sip my morning coffee. I already feel that I have accomplished something but putting pen to paper...er, fingers to keyboard.

Now let me preface this list of things I want to accomplish in 2011 by saying that I know all of the "experts" say it is best to keep your list short so it isn't overwhelming and so that it is easily attainable. However, I can't help it. There are A LOT of things I want to happen this year and for all of those "experts" - if I accomplish some or most of them this year, it would make next year's resolution list shorter.

Here goes:

1. Top o' the list: I want to lose weight. Specifically, I NEED to lose 28.6 pounds. But just to make it an odd number - my goal is 30.6 pounds. And, since I've done it before (and I have beautiful clothes in my closet to prove it), I really do know I can get rid of those extra pounds. It is important to me for a number of reasons: my cholesterol is high and I know losing it would help lower the cholesterol. I can totally feel the difference in my body, my ease of movement, my energy levels, the way I sleep. Finally, I want to look good - is that too much to ask?

I'm going to do it by using the Weight Watchers system yet again. Only this time, I'm only going to use the e-tools without the meetings. We'll see how this goes. I will post more on this tomorrow.

2. Organize my life: our hall closet, our junk drawer, MY closet, MY TIME. I've gotta do it. I wish I was organized NOW. My brain needs it and is calling out for it. I know it will be good good for my family too.

3. Spend more time with God. I want to get carve myself some time out of my day to spend reading my way through the Bible, writing about what I read and praying.

4. I resolve to blog more often. I know I have only written a handful of posts, that no one really is interested, but you know what - I realized I am writing for me. I also realized that it helps me organize my head and think things through.

5. Read More. 'nuf said.

Now that I've written this list - I realize it isn't a list a mile long! In getting it typed out I feel determined. I have already made a plan in my head for each resolution and I am ready to put those plans into action. But first, I must finish my coffee.

Resolving to Resolve

I have this week off from work to spend with my kids and to mentally prepare for New Year's. No, I am not planning on partying so hard that I have to get myself psyched up for it. I am getting ready for my resolutions which I will start on day one of the new year and not a moment later (or earlier). So this week I am resolving to resolve.

Inevitably, one of my resolutions will be to address this weight problem I have. So, guess what I am doing to prepare for the diet on 1/1/11? Eating of course!! Yesterday I made whoopie pies - wonderful chocolate cake-cookies with a slab of white sugary icing between them. Now normally even when I am cheating, I would have only the smallest one, and only one. But yesterday I had TWO. I ate one right after I finished frosting the little chocolate sandwiches and one right before bed with a glass of ice cold skim milk. Along with the whoopie pies I have also munched on lots of things I wouldn't regularly eat - brie, spanikopita, gelato, egg salad and on and on.

I've also been contemplating rearranging my fridge and my cabinets to assist in my healthy eating resolution. (This too will help with another resolution on my list - to get organized). I have been trying to think up a way that I can reorganize my kitchen cabinets to make it easier for me to munch healthier. Should I only store the low-cal stuff up front? Put the bad junk in the back? Should I place "my food" on one side and the boys' foods on the other?

Since being more organized will be on my list, I've been making a mental checklist of all of the things in my home and at work that need to be fixed, rearranged, filed or trashed. It is mind-boggling so I will have to resolved to try not to think of this until the first day of 2011.

Working on my spiritual self will be there too - so I've been searching online for a good Bible Study book to use. Plus I've been trying think of my time - what is the best time of the day to spend praying and reading and the like as opposed to spending it with my kids or exercising or blogging?

Then there is this blog - if you could even call it that. I've only posted a handful of thoughts which have been sporadic at best. I've been trying to decide if I should "theme" by blog and only write about certain topics instead of the first thing that comes to mind or should I just keep it as is with a more faithful schedule of posts? I'd like to decide what I will do with it and then on 1/1 start doing it with more fervor.

My list of things to change in the New Year will be much longer, but these are what I've been mulling over in my brain. I am looking forward to a clean slate, solutions, more time with my family, new discoveries and lots of positivity.

Uncle Patrick

Growing up, I thought you were the coolest person I knew.  You would drive up and visit us in Maine with your ripped jeans and motorcycle jacket, always chewing on a toothpick.  You were "Danny Zucco" cool.  I had to have a jacket just like yours, I wanted to be just like you.  I would always roll my eyes when you called me "SchmErin" - it was a baby name and I hated it.  What I would give to hear it now.

I remember laughing and laughing when you took Shannon and I out for McDonalds.  You joked that you would tie me to the bumper for the ride home.  I'm not sure what prompted this empty threat, but we all thought it was funny, until I cried.

I heard my mother's hushed phonecalls with your sisters about your struggle with addiction.  It had such a strong hold on you. None of us fully understood it nor could ever comprehend how binding it was.

For a time, you were sober, and accomplished so much.  After you graduated from culinary school, when we visited New York or when you visited us in Maine,  you would cook for us.  My adolescent sense of taste was no match for your mako shark or falafel, but how I loved your cream puffs stuffed with strawberries and pastry cream.  We visited you in Manhattan where you had the tiniest of apartments and worked in the hippest, dive restaurants in the Bowery.  You took us around the city, showing us all the sites - you were NEVER cooler.

I know that the demon never quite let go, and that hard life weakened your heart, already marred by genetics.  You battled with heart disease, suffering heart attacks and undergoing surgeries.  Later, everytime I saw you, you were paler, weaker, and older than you should have been. 

Last week, God called you to Heaven.  Now I know, people always say this when someone they love, passes from this world as a way of comforting themselves.  But really, I don't think that phrase could be any truer than now.  For all of your adult life, He watched you fight that demon, as it and the heart disease took its toll on your body and spirit.  God knew it was time.  Time for your family to stop worrying despite the initial despair we feel right now.  It was time for you to be in a place where there would be no more fight with an unsatisfied yearning and nothing to hold you but His love.  In short, it is time for you to be whole.

I take heart, knowing that I will see you again, restored and your spirit will be finally at peace. 

Until then, stay cool.

Meal Planner

Is it just me, or does every working mom hate this time of day?  You know, around 4:30 pm when suddenly you realize, "Crap! I forgot to take something out for dinner!" or something along those lines.  It would be different, of course, if I were one of those moms who has something I whipped together a week ago, as a "just in case", in the freezer. But I'm not. Nor will I ever be.  I'd even venture a guess to say that most working moms aren't either.

So, what's a girl to do?  I could make breakfast for dinner. No thawing needed.  However, this takes a trip to the store to buy a few supplies.  I could thaw some chicken in the microwave, but I hate the way the edges cook during the unthawing process and I inevitably end up with a slab of meat that is tough in some places.  We could have a meatless dinner, but again, no matter how I look at it, I have to go to the store.  Of course, there is always the takeout option - pizza or Chinese or some other restaurant.  For me, that is a last ditch option since most are full of fat and calories. 

Week after week, I say to myself that I will plan my meals out which I NEVER do. Actually, that's not true.  I tried it once and it lasted for about 2.2 days when I ended up forgetting to cook what I was supposed to cook.  

I think I've come to that time in this post when I should have come up with some logical solution that should be helpful, not only to me, but to anyone who would read this. But guess what? I've got NOTHING. 

Looks like I'm heading to the grocery store after work.